Me, Me, Me and Selfishness

1 Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from the selfish desires that war within you (your body). 2 You want (covet) things, but you do not have them. So you are ready to kill (murderer) and are jealous of other people, but you still cannot get what you want. So you argue and fight. You do not get what you want, because you do not ask God. 3 Or when you ask, you do not receive because the reason you ask is wrong (evil motives, selfish purposes, sensual pleasure). James 4:1-3 (NCV).

Sin can often be understood or described as selfishness, self-centeredness, and self-focused where we seek to please ourselves, even if it hurts somebody else (Galatians 5:24; 1 John 2:16). Materialism, partiality, and jealousy all come from selfishness. Even worse, even our prayers can become selfish! Sadly, selfish prayers often lead to unanswered prayers from God. The true source of unanswered prayers is our selfish desires for pleasure and consumption instead of an intimate and personal relationship with the living God and loving others (see also Matthew 22:34-40; Luke 8:14; Titus 3:3).

James explains that the most common problems in prayer: not asking, asking with selfish motives, or asking for the wrong reasons. Our prayers will become powerful and effective when we seek to please God and love others (1 John 3:21-24).

God never intended for us to place our own interests first. Selfishness becomes the source of temptation, the evidence of sin, and the barrier to holiness (Romans 1:28–31; Romans 7:14-15; Ephesians 4:17–24; James 1:14-15). All sin can be traced back to the desire to satisfy self (James 3:14–16) and selfishness ultimately leads to our destruction (Philippians 3:19).

The Holy Scriptures are clear that the center of our affections must be to serve and love God and others (Matthews 6:24, 33; Matthew 22:34-40). Jesus taught that God and His will must be first and foremost in our daily lives (Matthew 16:24). The Bible does not condemn our prayers for a pleasurable life. God blesses His people with good gifts from heaven to enjoy (James 1:17; Ephesians 4:7; 1 Timothy 4:4-5). Nonetheless, God does condemn any pleasure that keeps us away from loving, pleasing and serving God and our neighbors (Matthew 22:34-40).

Sadly, selfishness leads to quarrels, fights, and wars to rage within our hearts and the immediate cause of the battles among church members. The Bible teaches us instead of selfishly grabbing what we want, we should submit to God’s will and love others like Jesus Christ (Mark 10:45).  Even more, we can ask God to help us get rid of our selfish desires, and trust Him to give us what we really need.